Dias Tres y Cuatro
I didn’t get a chance to write about yesterday because I was… busy. A guy messaged me and, well… yeah. So, I certainly went to bed later than my goal and I was on my phone past 10pm.
Yesterday, I do believe I completed all the tasks I set out to complete.
I notice that when I grab my phone in the morning (which is not a good habit!!), I end up staying in bed at least for 30-45min, instead of getting out of bed and starting my day.
I was in bed a bit longer today because I had to deal with some small logistical issues with doctor’s appointments. After that was resolved, I continued on my good-habit routine: get out of bed, make bed, change into workout clothes, say morning Brachos, take meds/vitamins, say the daily Chitas, do a workout video, shower & change, do another module of a class, eat something, then relax (nap or bike ride, weather permitting.)
I realize I have so many thoughts throughout the day. I feel like it’s impossible to capture these thoughts in this blog. I believe that what I am to do here is: my best. So I will do my best to encapsulate my thoughts and the changes going on in my head.
Recently, several men have been in touch with me. I have little faith in their serious-ness, in terms of dating, getting to know me, etc. I have two thoughts: I’m either too stand-off-ish or too welcoming to undeserving recipients. Men will notoriously negotiate their way into a woman’s bed. I firmly believe that. At the end of the day, they want sex. Men are also notoriously lacking any physical intimacy or affection. We’re all in need - that’s a fact! Women, however, give hugs to one another and can be affectionate. Men do not get that aside from sex. At most, a smack on the back from another guy or a quick bear hug. (Not too long, or else the homoeroticism seeps in!) Perhaps my radar is faulty, but I just do not see these men as anywhere near a serious relationship. Perhaps that could blossom? If the initial prospect, the clear basis of the relationship, is nothing serious, so how would anything serious really stem from that? I don’t have much hope. The obvious solution is to only engage with “serious, marriage-minded” guys. That sounds so hokey. Ultimately, I do believe everyone wants a serious relationship. I’m uncomfortable with the beginnings of those relationships tied to casual physicality. I do believe I am open to dating, but I am turned off by any rush toward any physical intimacy without emotional intimacy.
And so that was my best Carrie Bradshaw rendition of my dating life!! :)
Oh goodness, my roommate. G-d bless her. She has horrible taste. G-d bless her. She bought these disgusting, awful raisin cookies, or rather lumps of uncooked dough with old grapes. :) She tries, she tries.
Why does it bother me that she has the exact same morning routine? At this point, I know the sounds like the neighborhood hourly church bells. Bathroom, coffee grinder, phone shiur, yogurt… Same exact thing, day-in, day-out. No variety. Same exact grocery list week after week.
Speaking of variety, my afternoon activity today was to make pesto and pickled red onions. I put too many pine nuts in the pesto so it’s very nutty and not so basil-y. I’ve made this recipe before, but I got a little (too) creative! The pickled onions were concocted mainly because I had an extra red onion sitting around. It’s really more like a marinade. I’ve tasted them so far, and they’re very tasty! The entire recipe is red onion, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, and I put in a garlic clove.
Tonight, I got off my phone at 10:30pm.
Before I sat down to write this post, I was feeling hesitant. Perhaps I was feeling discouraged and ready to talk myself out of it because I wasn’t perfect and missed one day! Welcome to my mind. If it’s not perfect, I might as well give up.
Speaking of perfection: so far in the Coursera Yale Happiness course, I've come to question what makes me happy! Being a certain size or weight, getting married, getting out of debt… All these things would certainly spike my happiness, but they would then become the new normal. If my goal is to be happy, these are not the ways of getting there. Meditation, gratitude, savoring: these aspects of enjoying the moment make it everlasting. One idea that was addressed in the class was spending money on experiences versus “stuff.” “Stuff” is acquired and then sits around is (usually) depreciates in value. For example, a big house is big and beautiful, but ultimately just sits there until the end of time. An experience lasts a limited amount of time and then is forever “gone.” Because experiences are so limited in nature, they are valued more and would ultimately bring more happiness. Data presented to this point showed that even when discussing an experience versus “stuff” amongst peers, people are more likely to find the experience discussion far more interesting and meaningful than a discussion about “stuff.” A few years ago when I started back on tracking my income and expenses, I saw that one month I spent almost $400 on new clothes! Who needs that!! That was my escape from reality. My therapist saw how exuberant I was when I returned from a trip, and we came to an understanding that I am much happier spending money on experiences. And so I did: that year I traveled the most I’d ever traveled in my life. So that lesson I had learned a while back, but here was the data to prove and reinforce it.
After I completed the class, I went on my phone a bit, made the pesto and pickled onions, eventually hopped on my bike, rode around the park, enjoyed blasting music, and before I left there was a drumline playing which I stayed by and enjoyed.
Tomorrow, I am leaving for Lakewood to go camping in a big backyard. I’m excited to go, have fun, meet new people…
I’ve had a pain in my shoulder since around Pesach. I’ve tried exercises, yoga, stretching, saying “Thank you, Hashem!” I had an appointment with a massage therapist. I’ve taken CBD and Advil. I’ve spent a day with a heating pad. I'm wracking my brain about the emotional connection that could be causing this. What am I holding on to? My insecurities? My obsession with weight and looks? This is so physically painful. I feel like something is pinching my shoulder, to the point where there are nerves hit and the feeling travels down my arm. How would I let go of the emotional stuff, to heal and get past this!!! I’m sad, upset, frustrated. I cry out to G-d: What do you want from me!! :(
In terms of the habits I’m building, tomorrow will look quite different. I don’t plan on doing an exercise video. Perhaps I could do a 15min yoga one. I need to get up, shower, pack, make food, eat, pack food, make sure I have everything I need. I’ll do Chitas on the road. I feel like I’ll be active enough over the weekend that I won’t worry about doing 30-45min workout daily. I could also do a yoga sequence while I’m camping.
That’s all I want to talk about for now. I feel like I got a lot off my chest, and I feel better (aside from the pain on my shoulder and the heating pad that’s supplying short-term relief).
Good night!
Yesterday, I do believe I completed all the tasks I set out to complete.
I notice that when I grab my phone in the morning (which is not a good habit!!), I end up staying in bed at least for 30-45min, instead of getting out of bed and starting my day.
I was in bed a bit longer today because I had to deal with some small logistical issues with doctor’s appointments. After that was resolved, I continued on my good-habit routine: get out of bed, make bed, change into workout clothes, say morning Brachos, take meds/vitamins, say the daily Chitas, do a workout video, shower & change, do another module of a class, eat something, then relax (nap or bike ride, weather permitting.)
I realize I have so many thoughts throughout the day. I feel like it’s impossible to capture these thoughts in this blog. I believe that what I am to do here is: my best. So I will do my best to encapsulate my thoughts and the changes going on in my head.
Recently, several men have been in touch with me. I have little faith in their serious-ness, in terms of dating, getting to know me, etc. I have two thoughts: I’m either too stand-off-ish or too welcoming to undeserving recipients. Men will notoriously negotiate their way into a woman’s bed. I firmly believe that. At the end of the day, they want sex. Men are also notoriously lacking any physical intimacy or affection. We’re all in need - that’s a fact! Women, however, give hugs to one another and can be affectionate. Men do not get that aside from sex. At most, a smack on the back from another guy or a quick bear hug. (Not too long, or else the homoeroticism seeps in!) Perhaps my radar is faulty, but I just do not see these men as anywhere near a serious relationship. Perhaps that could blossom? If the initial prospect, the clear basis of the relationship, is nothing serious, so how would anything serious really stem from that? I don’t have much hope. The obvious solution is to only engage with “serious, marriage-minded” guys. That sounds so hokey. Ultimately, I do believe everyone wants a serious relationship. I’m uncomfortable with the beginnings of those relationships tied to casual physicality. I do believe I am open to dating, but I am turned off by any rush toward any physical intimacy without emotional intimacy.
And so that was my best Carrie Bradshaw rendition of my dating life!! :)
Oh goodness, my roommate. G-d bless her. She has horrible taste. G-d bless her. She bought these disgusting, awful raisin cookies, or rather lumps of uncooked dough with old grapes. :) She tries, she tries.
Why does it bother me that she has the exact same morning routine? At this point, I know the sounds like the neighborhood hourly church bells. Bathroom, coffee grinder, phone shiur, yogurt… Same exact thing, day-in, day-out. No variety. Same exact grocery list week after week.
Speaking of variety, my afternoon activity today was to make pesto and pickled red onions. I put too many pine nuts in the pesto so it’s very nutty and not so basil-y. I’ve made this recipe before, but I got a little (too) creative! The pickled onions were concocted mainly because I had an extra red onion sitting around. It’s really more like a marinade. I’ve tasted them so far, and they’re very tasty! The entire recipe is red onion, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, and I put in a garlic clove.
Tonight, I got off my phone at 10:30pm.
Before I sat down to write this post, I was feeling hesitant. Perhaps I was feeling discouraged and ready to talk myself out of it because I wasn’t perfect and missed one day! Welcome to my mind. If it’s not perfect, I might as well give up.
Speaking of perfection: so far in the Coursera Yale Happiness course, I've come to question what makes me happy! Being a certain size or weight, getting married, getting out of debt… All these things would certainly spike my happiness, but they would then become the new normal. If my goal is to be happy, these are not the ways of getting there. Meditation, gratitude, savoring: these aspects of enjoying the moment make it everlasting. One idea that was addressed in the class was spending money on experiences versus “stuff.” “Stuff” is acquired and then sits around is (usually) depreciates in value. For example, a big house is big and beautiful, but ultimately just sits there until the end of time. An experience lasts a limited amount of time and then is forever “gone.” Because experiences are so limited in nature, they are valued more and would ultimately bring more happiness. Data presented to this point showed that even when discussing an experience versus “stuff” amongst peers, people are more likely to find the experience discussion far more interesting and meaningful than a discussion about “stuff.” A few years ago when I started back on tracking my income and expenses, I saw that one month I spent almost $400 on new clothes! Who needs that!! That was my escape from reality. My therapist saw how exuberant I was when I returned from a trip, and we came to an understanding that I am much happier spending money on experiences. And so I did: that year I traveled the most I’d ever traveled in my life. So that lesson I had learned a while back, but here was the data to prove and reinforce it.
After I completed the class, I went on my phone a bit, made the pesto and pickled onions, eventually hopped on my bike, rode around the park, enjoyed blasting music, and before I left there was a drumline playing which I stayed by and enjoyed.
Tomorrow, I am leaving for Lakewood to go camping in a big backyard. I’m excited to go, have fun, meet new people…
I’ve had a pain in my shoulder since around Pesach. I’ve tried exercises, yoga, stretching, saying “Thank you, Hashem!” I had an appointment with a massage therapist. I’ve taken CBD and Advil. I’ve spent a day with a heating pad. I'm wracking my brain about the emotional connection that could be causing this. What am I holding on to? My insecurities? My obsession with weight and looks? This is so physically painful. I feel like something is pinching my shoulder, to the point where there are nerves hit and the feeling travels down my arm. How would I let go of the emotional stuff, to heal and get past this!!! I’m sad, upset, frustrated. I cry out to G-d: What do you want from me!! :(
In terms of the habits I’m building, tomorrow will look quite different. I don’t plan on doing an exercise video. Perhaps I could do a 15min yoga one. I need to get up, shower, pack, make food, eat, pack food, make sure I have everything I need. I’ll do Chitas on the road. I feel like I’ll be active enough over the weekend that I won’t worry about doing 30-45min workout daily. I could also do a yoga sequence while I’m camping.
That’s all I want to talk about for now. I feel like I got a lot off my chest, and I feel better (aside from the pain on my shoulder and the heating pad that’s supplying short-term relief).
Good night!
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